Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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