I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
