How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
