I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
