I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize