He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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