woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
