Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
