I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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