My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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