mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize