This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
