i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I had to cum in my sink.
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