i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
