She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize