Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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