Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
