If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
