he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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