Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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