We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
