i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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