you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
