she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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