Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
