he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
