It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
