he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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