After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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