Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
