sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
