Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
