He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
