Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
