I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
