I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize