Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
