kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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