i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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