all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
