Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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