I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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