drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
