Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
