Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
its liver damage thursday
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
