mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
