I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize