i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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