oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
