That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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