is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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