Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So squirting runs in the family.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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