I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
