He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize