so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
