were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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