so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
