He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
