He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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