i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
