oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
