Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
