can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
