Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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