my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize