Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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