I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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