I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
