i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Vodka?
Forever.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize