they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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